Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Time for a Raving: BLINGED OUT

So Tuesday came without a review, though I had read two books over the last week, one about Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and one about Duck Dynasty. I know what you're thinking. How can you read two books that are virtually alike? But for me, it's glomming on a topic. I can't help myself. I was searching for a wide variety of hair secrets apparently.

I'd recommend either/both if you're into either topic...or hair. But I realize they don't really fall in the line of romantic love stories--okay, Kate does, but I assume everyone already knows it. Duck Dynasty, well, it was a lot like hanging out with the deerhunters I usually hang out with this time of year. Boy, are they crazy. Good-hearted, but crazy--which sums up the Duck Dynasty clan.

But I'm in no mood for a book talk. I want a blog talk. I miss the ship, damnit, where I could have talked about this...so you're getting this.

Today, one of the faculty at my work came by and waved her hand, showing off the engagement ring she got over Thanksgiving. Now, she's not my favorite faculty member--due to some personality conflicts between us--but she is by no means one I don't like. (Or is that 'don't don't like'? Whatever. You get the gist.) She's really quite likable (mostly) and she's got a girl next door way about her where you'd root for her. She's funny, pretty, and personable, so about 85% of me thought, "Aww, isn't that sweet? I'm happy for her." Honest to God that's what I thought. But the other 15% floated to the top, like a turd, and reminded me how the likelihood of me getting proposed to is practically nil. And the rock sparkled so prettily and I thought, "Damnit, I want one. Why aren't I special enough to have one? I suck." And for a second I really kinda hated this faculty member.

Before I could sink completely under, my rational brain said, "Um, why are you upset? You are not in competition with this woman. Also, just three days ago, you were super happy to have your house back to yourself because you were going nuts living with someone--and that person was as low key as they come. If you got a rock, this would come with the understanding you would be living with them. Is it still worth it?" and I immediately thought, "OH, hell, no."

So then I was mildly disgusted with myself, instead of being relieved that I no longer desired a ring, because it was the ring I was jealous about and not the relationship, and I resent the very shallow person that made me. I mean, I write romance. I should NOT be obsessed about a blingy ring. I don't even wear jewelry. Where was this coming from?

Then it occurred to me. I only wanted the acknowledgement, the "reward" for being chosen as worthy enough to be someone's bride. I wanted to wave around the ring and go, "See, he chose me! He could have chose any number of other attractive girls, but he chose me. I'm special." I'm special because of a rock that has been arbitrarily assigned value. (And you'll notice I used the description "attractive" and not any other redeeming feature--like kindness or oh, anything else.)

This disgruntled me even further. Seriously, was I going to have to turn in my Feminist card in now? I thought for a second. What if I bought my own ring? Nope. Wouldn't mean the same thing. It only means something coming from some figment man prince. This was ridiculous.

I emailed Terri. Mostly because she can cut these little drama fests by at least 60%. She immediately emailed her own ring bling drama, when I mentioned what I was feeling and how sheepish I was feeling about it. She agreed it's not the ring that proves a woman's worth. A woman's worth is clearly determined by her hair.

I also emailed this to another friend of mine--and she wrote back with such ring bling drama, I immediately emailed and thanked her because no way in hell did I want a blingy ring after reading it. I was going back to the real reason for marriage, to share your life with someone, not for the accessories. My friend also reassured me that the Blingy Ring is a problem for a lot of women. I thought it was only a Jersey Shore problem, but clearly not.

So...confess, do you ever have Bling Ring Distress? Were you secretly and not so secretly thrilled when you have a Bling Ring to show proof of your man's affection for you? Do you have any Bling Ring stories to remind me how grateful I really, really am?


  1. Hmmm.... This is a hard one for me. You know I'm happily married and, as you don't know this but I'll need full disclosure here, Mr. Gunner consulted me before purchasing the bling he used to propose to me. So, in short, I love my engagement ring and I love my wedding band (which I picked out myself).

    Those things said.... I know girls with much bigger bling than me. I know girls with rings worth twice as much as mine, even three times as much. But, if I had to take the husband that came along with those girls' rings, I'd say the ring wasn't enough compensation.

    So I'll keep my ring as long as I can keep the hubby it goes along with. 'Cause he's one of the good ones. And if he wants my bling back, that man will have to pry it off my cold, dead finger because he's not getting rid of me any time before that. :)

  2. Awwww. (He's reading over your shoulder, right?) No, I know you two are adorably cute and sweet. See, you're one of the couples who inspire me as the real reason to make a life with each other. Not a Kardashian ring. But there's something about the shiny. It was like I was a raccoon in a past life or something.

  3. I still think you should buy yourself something sparkly. I almost bought you one yesterday, but was afraid you wouldn't like the style I'd pick. (We're talking $20 ring here. I ain't asking you to marry me.)

    I loved mine, but was not in the "keeper" territory Marn occupies. Strife hit and I had to pawn it. I still mourn losing that pretty bling.

  4. Have to say that I was so impulsive that I proposed without a ring. We chose an engagement ring together. Both being students on grants, the ring was quite modest but neither of us cared!

    Hellie, I think it is quite natural to feel a little envious. But rest assured that you are very special indeed. If I had a rock to give, then I might well offer it to you .... though you do have a little competition! *smile*

  5. I, myself, often wonder about all the importance put on "the ring". I followed my sweetie out to Southern CA and lasted about a year. The riots and a few earthquakes convinced me I wanted the Midwest back. We packed up and headed home! I wanted to return triumphantly sporting a nice sparkly rock on the third finger of my left hand. It didn't happen. Unbeknownst to me, at the time, it was due to the fact that every time he tried to propose I started a fight!. He had the ring - one that I picked out at a jewerly store in CA months before (minus the diamond) in his possession on our car trip home and for 3 months afterwards until he finally proposed.

    I was not a happy camper. I know for me, though, it wasn't about the bling. I'm not a big jewelry girl. It was about what it meant. I think it's kind of natural to want the celebration and big production that comes along with an engagement ring. Just like wanting a nice white dress and big party and to walk down the church isle to Pachelbel. Unfortunately, too many people these days only want the fun stuff and haven't thought too much about what happens after the party is over.

    So, if it's a choice between a nice piece of bling and being stuck with someone you can't live with day in day out for the next 50 years, or being a little heartsick every once in a while. Take the heartache. It's much better than the hell you could be getting yourself into for a pretty piece of jewelry.

  6. Wow, that sounded kind of arrogant! I'm sorry :(

    You have every right to be sad, jealous, envious, etc. etc. I think it's normal and way okay. I suppose if it was me the way I'd talk myself into feeling better is imagining everyone that has one of those great big beautiful rings engaged to a real loser! LOL Then the ring doesn't seem all that great. :)

  7. I agree with Ter; you should buy yourself some bling. I love rings, so I'd go that route.

  8. *LOL* Thanks, guys (and "Awww, thanks, Q! But I would never want to ruffle Mrs. Q's feathers." *LOL*)--yeah, I know having a ring but the wrong guy is the exact wrong thing to do. (I might have managed to have the wrong guy sometime in my life before now if I really worked at it and wanted a ring bad enough--but my family is kinda notorious for marrying the wrong guy. *LOL* I tend to learn by watching rather than doing.)

    It really is more the "meaning" of the bling, of being "claimed" by someone I imagined to be someone good--someone awesome who wanted to show off how much he loved her. So buying my own ring wouldn't work--it would be like I was trying to be engaged to myself. I just think that's weird.

    BUT I can totally buy myself a tiara. I'm more than happy and confident to crown myself as Queen Ruler and wear some bling for that, but the ring will have to wait. And tiaras are pretty damned awesome.

    Here's a pretty "knock off": http://www.ecrater.com/p/13667478/kate-middleton-inspired-royal-wedding?gps=1&id=55447864819. Yes, I know it's Kate's. *LOL*